Midweek Inspiration – Try, Try again!

As I watched my youngest do her upmost to hang on with all her strength, as she made her way around a Ninja Warrior style obstacle course, I said out loud the words depicted below.

She tried her hardest and when she fell she got straight back up again.

Us grown ups could use this advice from time to time as well...

Having always wanted to work with children in a school and having had so many knock backs I am finally there; if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!

When life changes to be harder, change yourself to be stronger!

Things have been harder than usual for me of late due to a change in personal circumstances.

My husband works away a lot now.

Which has inadvertently caused an upset to my usual routine and to the kids' usual routine.

Family dynamics have changed. We were such a tight knit family unit and now I often feel lonely...despite being busy with 4 children. So how do you get by and manage on your own when you're so used to being part of a team?

Well 'when life changes to be harder you change to be stronger'.

I'm not the type to be defeated so I'll find a way but, I kid you not, times are testing right now. But that said I do a bloody good job of it of it on my own.

I doubted myself the first few times the Mr went away. I had created a self-fulfilling prophecy by telling myself I can't do it, then after having had a really tough day I would say 'see, I can't do it'.

Well I recognised this early on so decided something had to give. My husband leaving this job and going back to his old job on less money wasn't an option.

So I adapted. I changed to be stronger. I stopped wallowing in self pity & pining over my husband and instead adopted a positive, can do attitude.

I've learnt that as much as I don't want to I CAN parent on my own when the time calls for it. I'm not prefect by any stretch but I am a great mum. And aside from reflecting on my parenting and observing what needs to change I have also set up my own childminding business. So it's all systems go!

We have found that the time we do get together as a family is of a much better quality and I also discovered that I'm stronger than I initially gave myself credit for! With all that in mind things are working much better.

There are days when we have to rush around after school and I mean rush. My son is a ballet dancer and it is currently the run up to his show so dancing is quite full on with longer sessions and dance routines to master. We have to have dinner at super sonic speed, we can't find dancing uniform or shoes then as we are walking out the door they all decide they need the loo!

Tension heightens and voices start to raise. Sometimes there's tears and my stress levels can go through the roof but we make it on time.

Then there is the task of keeping the others entertained and out of trouble. So I let them sit with their tablets. They sit quietly, they don't wind each other up or start fighting, stress decreases and everyone is happier...

Then I start getting looks across the room from other parents. You know the look, the look of judgement, the 'uh she's just sat her kids in a corner with screens' look!

At times like these I find myself putting my suit of amour on and blocking out the opinions of those who do not matter to me. However I still find those opinions incredibly frustrating.

***

To the person currently sat across the room looking at and judging my children and me as we sit here on our tablets, not talking to each other you have NO IDEA what things are like for me right now...

Running a house, raising four children, getting to school and various other places on time, cooking relatively healthy meals for us and so on ON MY OWN.

So no I haven't really spoke a word since I got here but I am 100% ok with that. And yes my kids have been sat on their screens for the best part of an hour and as this is the first bit of screen time they have had today I am again 100% ok with this.

***

To those struggling...Firstly know you are NOT alone. Secondly stop wallowing (harsh but that's what you're doing) pick yourself up, dust yourself off and change to be stronger. Find YOUR way. Thirdly talk to people and do not be afraid to ask for help or take it from those who offer.

It's not easy. No one said it was. But the reward is huge.

Keep your chin up.

***

To those who judge, my message is simple...

Stop!

You never know what is going on behind closed doors.

***

If ANY of this very raw and honest post resonates with you or has affected you in anyway I would love to hear from you.

Much love.

GCSE Results Day – Exams Do Not Define You

This morning I notice my personal Facebook feed is full of well-wishing parents keeping everything crossed for their teenagers exam results today. Many of those teenagers are on edge while they wait, nervous for the outcome and desperate not to disappoint. So I have a message for all parents and teenagers who are anxiously waiting on said exam results.

My Story

I grew up with a vision that I would be a successful career women, I quite fancied the idea of working with children - maybe teaching - I wasn't really fussed if I worked for myself or for a huge corporate company, or as a teacher in a school but I was going to follow in the path of my grandparents. My career choice would earn me a mint, I would work up the ladder putting in all the hours god sent to have a good way of life.

I distinctly remember my dad telling me "I want you to do better than me", not getting to my 30's or 40's wondering where my life had gone and feeling like I've not achieved anything. My mum would tell me if you want to make it in this world, like really make it you need to get good exam results and go to university (although the idea of me leaving to live in halls she just didn't like) and my maternal grandparents would tell me the only way to make any real money is to work for yourself.

Despite my vision I wouldn't work hard at school, I was clever but lazy, and anyway I had a burning desire to meet 'the one', be married, settle down and have a family of my own. To be someone's wife and to be a mum was my only true dream.

So when it came to exam time why was I so pent up on the results?

Playing the cards you've been dealt

Having not put in the work I left school with only one GCSE, my parents were disappointed but loved me nonetheless. I wasn't gobsmacked nor was I jealous of class mates who had better results. I would just go to college to resit - simples!

I didn't let the results define me. It wasn't the end of said career. I played the cards I'd been dealt and found a Plan B.

I worked part time in a shop and went back to college.

At college I achieved the GCSEs I needed. Somehow! I'm not sure how, because once again I didn't work hard. I wasn't entirely interested in it all to be honest but nevertheless I went on to do a Childcare and Education Diploma. I was doing well, it was a subject that I loved but I didn't finish it.

I had met someone and knew he was 'the one'. I was just 17 but I loved him and college was a nightmare. I was having a hard time, socially and emotionally (which is a story for another day) so I left.

I quit.

Much to my families despair I called time.

I started work full-time and settled down with the guy I had met. Our relationship was frowned upon at the start but I knew he was the one so we fought and fought. It was a real struggle, a real test on our strength as individuals and as a couple but eventually we proved everyone wrong. I left home at 18, we started a family when I was 19, we became homeowners and got married when I was 24 and we had our fourth child when I was 25. All the while we were both working full-time, me in between maternity leave, to provide for our growing family.

Now I am a stay-at-home-mum, a housewife, who is financially supported fully by my husband and after 3 ish years of this lifestyle I am waiting for my certificate to arrive that will allow me to practice as a childminder.

My dream of working with children still very much in the pipeline. Only the path I took is just different to the one my parents and society had planned out for me.

My message

Remember at the beginning of this post I said I had a burning desire to be married, settle down and have a family of my own...

Well that's exactly what I achieved!

As well as a career in working with children which I cannot wait to get started on.

Now before parents reading this shoot me down, my point is NOT that you should quit your studies and run off with your teenage crush but instead IS if you truly want something, if you have that burning desire, deep down in the pit of your stomach, whatever it may be, you WILL find a way.

Your exam results DO NOT define you.

Find your Plan B and run with it, just as I have. Play the cards you've been dealt to the best of your ability and all will work out.

Whatever your dream is I wish you the best of luck and remember never give up on what it is YOU want.

Love to all xx

 

 

Feature Image - Source: Google Images.

 

 

 

You Always Have A Choice – Choose Wisley

I write this post this morning in a very tired state. I am all out of sorts.

Having recently returned from a fantastic family holiday, i am exhausted! Travel alone is tiring but as some of you will be aware travelling abroad with young children throws other challenges at us as well and the all too real crash back to reality hasn't helped.

The kids are off school for the summer so there is not much r & r time for me.

My husband works away at times making me an #occasionalsinglemum (or so it feels).

I had planned to wake early today and resume back to my routine journal practice, building on my mindset and working on my dreams...

Then I had the worst nights kip ever!

So when my alarm went off I shuddered and hit snooze;
Again and again,
until I eventually arose from my slumber an hour and a half later; with a child in my bed...who is still there now! Cheers 👍🏼

I was cross, my day was already deviating from my plan
AND
I'm more tired than I was when I went to bed!!

SO I started asking myself the following questions, acknowledging I had a CHOICE. Acknowledging I could CHOOSE how the day was going to pan out from here.

  • How do you deal with this?
  • How do you move on?
  • How do you let this shape your day?
  • How do you let this affect your mood?...

There are TWO options

CHOICE 1) You CHOOSE
To kick yourself,
Be miserable,
Be hard on yourself for not sticking to your plan,
Be cross,
Mope around all day feeling annoyed
Feel sorry for yourself...woe betides me!!

OR

CHOICE 2) You CHOOSE
Let yourself accept this happened
Understand why it happened - your knackered!
Allow yourself to accept it's ok to be tired
Allow yourself to be ok with the situation
Pick yourself up
Dust yourself off
And start as mean to go on...

even if it is an hour an half later!

So my message this morning is this...

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE - CHOOSE WISELY

I choose happy. What about you?

xxx